Saturday, July 19, 2014

produce dealbreakers

While perusing the produce section early this morning, I was struck by the number of times I turned my nose up at things.

Here are a few things you won't see me eating:

1. Peas- the one food that I have consistently disliked, as a baby (my mom says) through present day. I silently cheered when as a responsible adult I fed my kids their baby food peas and they spit it out. I instantly branded us as a "we don't eat peas family."

2. Radishes- these taste like the earth, and not in a good way. I can't understand why/how people eat these. My nostrils instantly flare if a hidden radish sneaks past the gated entrance of my taste buds.

3. Beets- these taste like the earth, Part II. As a test of strength, I've forced myself to chug beet juice a few times. I tasted dirt in my mouth for at least a day afterwards.

4. Papaya- it's tropical, so it must be good, right? X X X

5. Cooked carrots- I physically cannot eat these. I can't close my mouth, my teeth nash and my nose hairs stand on end as the putrid smell and horrendous texture collide into this experience that is nearly unparalleled. The only cooked vegetable worse to me is peas. And my mom's go-to veggie combo when I was younger was peas and carrots. Dee.Sgust.Ing. Raw carrots? Anytime. Weird, huh?

7. Cantelope/honeydew melon- Imposter!!! The "we really don't care about you but we said we had a fruit salad, so here is the cheapest, lackingest flavor fruit we could find so that you certainly wouldn't ask for more. Oh, but we'll jazz it up with a solitary red grape" kind of fruit. #bullshitfruit

8. Lima beans- I always imagine that the first person to "discover" Lima beans must have been really hungry and had only foraged dirt and leaves for months on end before coming across these. Because that's the only way they might taste good. Like cooked carrots, my nose hairs get all prickly and stand up when i attempt a bite. It's my body's biological fight or flight reaction kicking into gear.

Honorable mention:
Celery- I've long been puzzled by celery. It's pretty good IN stuff. But alone? I'll eat it, especially with some kind of dip, but make no mistake, there is a reason why it's the last thing to go on a veggie tray.

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