Sunday, June 7, 2015

why this time is (n't) different...

So the drill has gone--throughout my entire adult life: 1) lose weight. 2) maintain weight for "awhile." 3) regain weight. 4)stay there for awhile, privately stewing in my emotions.

I'm currently on a downswing of sorts (down in the weight loss battle is good.) I've lost 10 pounds in May and I'm in a good spot right now, not allowing typical triggers to fire off right now. (Summer "foodings" are how we celebrate nicer weather in Chicago.) Yay, it's spring! BBQQQQQQQQQQQQQ! Memorial Day--3 days of wild eating!!! Someone's kid graduated from preschool/kindergarten/5th grade/8th grade/high school/college. SNARFFF! The 100 or so street/neighborhood festivals around the city all feature FOOD. Yay, the weather is awesome, let's all celebrate by gaining 10 pounds!

So what's made this time different? Well, nothing, actually. Zip. Zero. Nada. Just focusing on each day instead of listening to that voice inside telling me "This seems can't really do this...what about that BBQ you've been invited to on June 13. What on earth are you gonna eat at that baseball game on July 12. Your birthday is at the end of July, you are surely going to eat some things you probably shouldnt. (Yes! I have FOSD "food occasion stress disorder." Self-diagnosed.) I've been known to sabotage a whole week because "you know on Friday you'll be eating some nachos at XYZ." What kind of sense does that make? Clearly none in the right frame of mind. But it's this cycle of getting caught up in the bigger scope that does me in.

So instead I'm really trying super hard to only think about today...or maybe today and tomorrow. Definitely not 1, 5 or 7 weeks from now. And surely not yesterday. But this isn't me being different. "One day at a time" is a standard recommendation for all sorts of things, right? I've even said it myself. But I haven't really followed it. So no thing's different. Each day has always been here like this. It's just up to me to make the best of each one of them.

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