CTRL-ALT-DEL

According to Wikipedia, Control-Alt-Delete (often abbreviated to Ctrl-Alt-Del, also known as the "three-finger salute")[1][2][3][4][5] is a computer keyboard command on IBM PC compatible systems that can be used to reboot the computer, and summon the task manager or Windows Security in more recent versions of the Microsoft Windows operating system. It is invoked by pressing the Delete key while holding the Control and Alt keys: Ctrl+Alt+Delete. It forces a soft reboot, brings up the task manager (on Windows and BeOS) or a jump to ROM monitor. In most X desktops it brings up the Logout dialog. These keys are sometimes referred to in computer manuals as interrupt keys, since they are often used to interrupt the operation of a malfunctioning program.

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So you might have been wondering where I've been. Ok, maybe not since I'm not sure who is actually paying attention to this blog anymore since I barely do. You might also think that those two recent WW weigh-ins could not be possible. Believe me...it's possible, and they're TRUE. FOR. FUCKING. SHAME.

See what had happened wuzzzzzz...
-continued work stress
-no vacation even though I had one scheduled in late December that never happened, due to said stressors.
-no working out at all (b/c I was ggetting up at 4am to work before GOING to work, then working all day, then coming home and collapsing into a heap after fixing dinner.

Then one blessed Friday night work finally eased up, and the girls and dude went off to Champaign for 24 hours. I should have gone to the gym. I should have gone to WW at the ass-crack of dawn that next morning (please excuse my language, or do yourself a favor and just stop reading my blog.) But no. I rented 3 movies. I watched them. I slept in. Then I went to the movies and saw 2 more movies.

Overall, I did not work out for 14 days in January. (still have somehow managed to get in 50+ miles, a minor miracle.) And before now, I never understood those weirdos at WW meetings who rave "OHMYGAWD I just LOOOOOOOOOOVE peanut buter." I was always like "yeah, whatever. why can't you just put it down?" Then all of the sudden my girls started liking PB&J sandwiches (remember that new year's resolution to start packing our lunches 4 out of 5 days? yeah, well we tried new things.) And goodness gracious, St. Ignatius, if that Skippy Creamy PB isn't the best stuff ever?!?! I've since put it down, but I've had more PB&J sandwiches and all out spoonfulls of PB in the past month than I've had in probably my entire life. Ok, well maybe not THAT many, but definitely a lot.

So last Monday night when my co-worker asked if I could drop her off at her WW meeting I decided, ya know, it's time to see what the damage. I argued with myself that it wouldn't be so bad. It would be this strategic way of getting back on the wagon. What, with having eaten crazily, going to weigh in at the END of the day (we all know that can account for an additional 3 to 5 pounds), wearing regular clothes instead of my standard "weigh-in outfit, well it wouldn't be my true weight, and that the next time I weighed in, it would be a loss no matter what. (Yes. I have a sick, sick mind.) The idea was that since I wouldn't be able to weigh in on Saturday at my usual meeting, I'd wait until the NEXT Saturday. So I weighed in and saw 206.2. I rationalized that maybe I was really around 203 or 202. That was more palatable, and to be honest, not knowing for sure made it easier. (I'm a sick one, eh?)

I got home from picking the girls up that evening, packed their lunches, laid out their clothes, my clothes, AND my workout clothes. And at 4:30am on Tuesday thru Friday, I made my way to the gym, hitting the elliptical and treadmill. Yes, I could workout on my treadmill at home, but there's something to be said for "peace of mind" and realizing that no little 5 year old is going to come tugging at my sleeve to interrupt. Plus the bright lights of the gym make me feel like I'm supposed to be there, not the dull, lifeless atmosphere in my basement. Shhhhh! Shhhhhh! You'll wake someone!! On Thursday I went all out, and ran 3 miles STRAIGHT, which I can't even recall the last time I did that. It's been awhile. I went to the gym again yesterday (but at 8am, much more reasonable), skipping my usual 6:30am WW meeting because I was tired.) I generally stayed on points, although in something totally new, I pretty much ate every activity point I earned..I was SO hungry at night.

But last night (Saturday night), I could feel myself slipping. That self-destructive thinking that sounds a little like this: "Oh, go ahead and order some pizza. You can eat the whole damn thing, you don't have weigh-in until next Saturday." I needed some kind of meeting. Maybe I should weigh in. So this morning, I snuck out of the house while the cherubs and dude slept, and went to WW. 198.8, down 7.4, but still up a bit from my lowest. That's ok. I'm cool. And after weighing in, I went grocery shopping, and came home and made a points friendly breakfast. GASP. And then walked on the treadmill (easy, light day) for a nice 4 mile walk. GASP. The GASPing is because I've gotten into the habit of eating a bunch of my flex points after weigh-in. Starting with a sausage mcmuffin in the drive thru a mile or so from my WW homebase center...for the love of all that is greasy and fattening, WHY ARE THOSE SO GOOD?! And $1.10 from the 99 cents value meal and Cook County taxation. A bargain! Not today though.

So...I think I'm on track. I feel good. I went back and looked at some of the meals that I like and realized I'd stopped eating: my 4 point turkey sandwich snack that was so awesomely filling. And cottage cheese (dude, it's friggin HIGH in protein!) My after-workout protein shake. Weird how you skip buying something once or twice at the store, and it's like it becomes erased from your brain. ??? I'm back at the gym tomorow morning, and may not even be able to go midweek if we get the snow they're talking about...but whatever...one day at a time. right?

Sigh. I think in my "former life" I wouldn't even catch this. I would go all the way back to start, so I'm feeling ok. Minor bump in the road. Next up? 195.0, the 30 pound mark.

p.s. My race season is shaping up. I'm feeling good about this year and not the sense of dread that I had last year (in which I ended up doing NOTHING.) I've signed up for a few half marathons. I am still unsure (and maybe that means no) for the 2011 Chicago Marathon. I did enter into the NYC lottery awhile back, so we'll see what happens with that. I kind of like the idea of letting fate decide...I'll keep you posted. Of course all of this could change when 2011 Chicago Marathon registration opens on Tuesday, which they will send me 100 reminders before then.

Happy almost 2nd month of the new year.