why is it that some days, I feel strong and positive. A great run. Or a not so great run. It doesn't matter, the world is mine. Strength training makes me strong. My body is powerful. And then on other days I feel weak and powerless. That was a shitty run, you suck. You'll never make it past this marginal status. You don't know what you're doing with these weights. You're fat and out of shape. Everyone is laughing at you. They already know you're not really a runner, they're just humoring you until you figure it out. Everyone knows you're full of shit and will never get the strength training right. The negative is so much louder and meaner, hitting down to the very core of me. It's downright debilitating sometimes. My inner voice is a bully. On occasion she's my best cheerleader and those are the best days ever, but much of the times my inner voice is just plain mean. (just writing this and admitting it out loud, and to the degree that it effects me, makes me sad.)
(Omg i totally miss ^^that show Daria!^^ is it still on any channels? DVDs? Always loved me some Daria. Those 1990 MTV cartoons were the best.) anyway...
I found this website and there are lots of things I found to read...I will keep this bookmarked (I'm at work right now!): http://www.psychalive.org/2009/06/critical-inner-voice/
"...Many people think if they stop listening to their critical inner voice, they will lose touch with their conscience. However, the critical inner voice is not a trustworthy moral guide like a conscience. On the contrary, the critical inner voice is degrading and punishing and often leads us to make unhealthy decisions. These negative voices tend to increase our feelings of self-hatred without motivating us to change undesirable qualities or act in a constructive manner."
"...You can take power over your critical inner voice. When you become conscious of what it is telling you, you can stop it from running your life. The challenge is to identify and ‘flush out’ this internal covert operation. To do this, be on the lookout for when you slip into a bad mood or become upset. Investigate: what caused the shift? What happened and, most importantly, what did you start telling yourself after the event? The fact that your mood shifted from feeling optimistic or relaxed to feeling down or irritable is probably a sign that you are interpreting the event through your critical inner voice.
"...The balance between our two different sides is delicate and can be easily tipped. However, we don’t need to be the victims of our moods as they tip back and forth between our positive and negative feelings about ourselves. By identifying the critical inner voice and the role it plays in supporting our negative self-image, we can take action against it and significantly change our lives. We can reject attitudes that oppose our best interests and diminish our self-esteem. We can stop self-defeating and self-destructive behavior. We cannot tolerate angry, cynical attitudes toward others that turn us against people.
As you emancipate yourself from your critical inner voice, you will be free to engage in your pursuit of satisfaction and meaning in life. You will feel at peace with yourself and close to those you love. You will enjoy a compassionate view of the world and an optimistic outlook on life."